how to deal with the stress of losing a family member
Coping with the stress and grief of losing a loved one is often difficult, but each person is affected differently.Experiencing the loss of a loved one is a complex experience that changes over time.finding support and ways to heal can help you deal with all the pain and stress you are going through.Be patient and indulgent with yourself: it sometimes takes time to feel better and reconcile with yourself
my own history with grief
My grandmother raised me. She was my everything. In a life filled with doubt and uncertainty, she was my calm and my happiness.
Childhood had not been a happy time for me, and my grandmother did everything within her power to remedy that. Though she didn’t have a large house or a large bank account and she had to work hard for everything she had, I never heard her complain or be down and she did everything she knew to make my life normal and happy.As a grown woman, my grandmother was still an integral part of my life. I would be delighted when I saw a letter from her or saw the light blinking on the answering machine and I realized I had a call from her. The day my boss called me in to tell me that he had received a call for me, I felt the air get sucked from the room.
Dealing with the grief of her death and the stress of losing her took me more time than I ever thought possible. I now understand why she always said what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I promise that it is possible to find the strength to deal with the death of a loved one.
grieving
It’s okay to mourn. That’s the
first lesson I learned. I thought I had
to be strong and attend to my life. It was actually my boss who taught me this
lesson. I showed up the day after the announcement. Everyone looked at me in
that pained way of not knowing what to say. My boss told me to go home. I
declined, saying I had too much work to do and didn’t want to go home anyone.
He reiterated. He explained that he wasn’t asking if I wanted to go home.
Rather, this was a directive. I went home. Not knowing what to do, I just sat
there and cried. I learned it’s okay to cry.
accepts help from others
From my neighbor, I learned it’s okay to let people help you. My neighbors and I were always friendly. We greeted each other whenever we saw each other. Visited over the fence, just like in the movies. I watched her kids when she and her husband went out occasionally. When my grandmother died, she came by and offered food and help. I always, politely, turned her down, as I did everyone who offered in that time following my grandmother’s death.
One morning, I got up to the sound of a lawn mower. Dumb neighbor. I thought. Don’t they realize I’m trying to wallow here! I went to my living room window only to spy my neighbor’s husband mowing my lawn. Later, that afternoon, my neighbor was back at my door, this time armed with a casserole. I answered the door, unsure of what to say. “Preheat this for a half hour before you want to eat.” She said, smiling.Allowing others to help you isn’t just about it. People help you because they care about you and want to make you feel better. Let them.
be at peace with yourself
Letting go does not mean you
no longer love your loved ones. There came a day when I realized I had not
spent time thinking of my grandmother that day. It came as a bit of a shock.
But, it also came with a feeling of peace. I missed her still, but it was
really okay. I guess I taught myself that letting go was not a betrayal and it
didn’t mean I loved her any less.
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